It’s weird being a photographer and poet, because photography people look at and say oh, I like that and poetry you get a plethora of responses. My poetry is more vulnerable and deeper than my photography so people—who I shove poetry toward, no one ever asks to read it—say things like oh, I need to think about that; wow, I’m not sure if I understand that; or hmm, that’s deep, are you doing okay? I’ve just started getting more yaaas girl preach but maybe that’s because of the people I choose to show and the poems I purposefully let them see.
Honing a talent—well, I hope it’s a talent—is one of the hardest things to do in life. I honestly don’t know how I made it through this month with a smile and hope at the end. That’s not like me. I usually get overwhelmed, have a panic attack, and then shove the poems under piles of new projects I’ll repeat the cycle with. It’s terrifying being vulnerable. It’s terrifying trying to prove something. Life’s just terrifying. But I’m staying positive this project. Or I’m staying busy enough to keep from letting all the self-doubt and insecurities catch back up to me and not be molded into poems to help others not feel so alone.
Mostly, I wanted to say all this to remind people—especially people looking at my finished project and the smile still on my face—that it’s hard. If you are working on something and feeling anything like me, you aren’t alone. Even as I try to share my work, I struggle. So much happens behind the writing desk that you don’t see. So don’t look at finished things and think I could never do that because you can! Have faith and don’t give up. Somehow it gets easier. And don’t be dejected with the bad days when you’re looking at everything on your hand and not knowing where to begin. Take a break. To quote Pride and Prejudice, ”It's refreshing, is it not after sitting so long in one attitude?”
I highly recommend asking friends who believe in you to keep you accountable. When others believe in you, its easier to believe in yourself. So thanks to everyone who gave me encouragement through words and commitment even as I back away and ask for introverted space, and didn’t just ask is this getting published?
Thanks, and cheers to being hopeful!