I stood in front of strangers and lifted up a corner of my soul so they could see the real me. In other words, I read my poetry. I always say, “I write poetry” as if I know what that means, as if I expect them to know what that means. I never call myself a poet, that being said I rarely try to define myself as anything. But yesterday I jumped into the proverbial pool and read poetry aloud.
"Is that not normal?"
Thanks for asking, no. I’m one of those people that seems like I’m super outgoing, but I absolutely hate to be the center of attention. I mean, I like to talk, but these to me are not the same thing.
So I stood up there, and my hands shook. It wasn’t even that I was scared, but every single time I get in front of people to give a speech or read something, I lose complete control of my body. Somehow, I managed to keep my voice steady—a miracle, I know.
This all being said, I’m glad I stepped out of my comfort zone. Because I’m tired of being the Saturday morning poet that occasionally throws a font over one of her lines to make it pretty and posts it over a picture. I’m working harder on sharing what I actually spend time molding, the little pieces of my soul that are as simple yet haunting as slips of paper. So here’s the piece I read.
Picture This
I like to hide behind my camera lens
It may just be my only defense
Because it means I have some control
On how I see the world.
And my shutter drops hard and precise
Even when the world doesn’t look that nice
But I can only photoshop so much of reality
I’m also the kind of person that has a typewriter,
And without my words, I’m not much of a fighter.
But sure, I’ve been fingerprinted before
So a little ink on my fingers doesn’t bug me.
I can count the loops of my friends on my fingers
Because I’m not the kind of person that lingers in one place for too long
There’s too many places to go, to ever feel like I belong in one.
The more that you travel,
The less your past can unravel in front of you
That’s what pictures are for.
You can have the positives hanging like posters
While keeping the negatives in your back pocket.
I think people deserve positivity
Because one smile, one shred of decency
Can determine who you trust.
If you can’t trust anyone,
Then you have no one to rely on but yourself
And lets be honest, you’re not very reliable.
I’m not, at least.
But it’s better than relying on confessions to a priest
Because for most people religion isn’t the answer,
It’s the question.
Because we’re all questioning existence
And you’ll never get the answer without persistence.
When I write only know the qwerty keys,
Not the answer keys
Because what’s key to me, might not be key to you,
Then again it might just get through
And you could see a little beauty a little positivity like I see
Even though we might just be different people
We’re all human, we’ve got the same body parts,
And maybe it’s not our hearts that will pull us apart,
But with pull us together. It may be in vain
But I have to believe
Believe that these words and snapshots may be received
And do something more,
At least more than just me
Because I know I can be a little distant and abrasive
And you can, too,
It’s the reality of trying to live,
Of trying to be.
But picture this,
You being happy,
I’ll take it.