i can’t remember
i vaguely recall starless nights, all gray skies
and blue light from television
i never seemed to turn off
my mind mistaking silence for anguish
i couldn’t even read my eyes were asleep
my mind unable to distinguish
lullaby and alarm clock
nocturnal body turned to automatic
the depression of thought symptomatic
and voice translated to gobblygook
an out-of-body reply
wondering why no one noticed
accepting they just didn’t care
and dark thoughts dared to center
around my mercurial mirth worth medication
but the sensation of struggle
of merlot remedies and absence
moved with me, moved me
a deep part of me knew i’d be fine
and an even deeper part knew this would come again
another september will come and go
and sleepwalking, i’ll not remember it either